My Inaugural Adventures... Day 1 Part 2

So, it's 11:11 -- really, i'm not much for numerology, but i'm pretty sure i'm supposed to make a wish.

A look back at our first day.

It's important to note that i'm currently working on two hours of sleep. I had a lot more difficultly sleeping in the car than I imagined I would... That would probably be the biggest mistake of planning and plotting out our little adventure.

What really amazes me was how strong I kept going all day... I swear to you, DC has energy streaming through it's streets -- transmitting itself into your soul as soon as you set foot.

Soooooooooooo, we got into town about 10:04 -- more specifically, we arrived in the parking lot for the Fairfax / Vienna rail station. After fumbling through our luggage, shifting assets from the visibility to the secretive nature of the trunk -- we had our first adventure on the Metro system.

I kid you not, no matter how much you expect it -- you'll almost fall when the train jerks forward, or to a stop.

So, we got into town.

And, while the "itinerary" suggested we were supposed to catch the DC Circulator we ended up hoofing it over... 6 blocks up, 4 blocks over... to the wrong address. Because the "N" street sounds a lot like "M" street.

But it was a bit of good fortune, we stumbled across a motorcade... A large motorcade at that. Something like 6 SUVs, 3 15 passenger vans, about a dozen DC police, secret service scattered everywhere, and an ambulance... It was the ambulance that narrowed the field to two possibilities, and the fact that it was a Catholic church that sealed the odds.

But, we missed their exit.

So, we decided to track down the Manifest Hope Gallery -- thank god for internet access on mom's phone. A lot of our photos from today are from Manifest Hope, I was a little let down with the lack of photos from the DNC incarnation.

A great gallery, some incredible artwork, check out the photos.

So, then we went back, and got to see Biden and his whole clan -- remember, every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great...

Didn't really get great photos, was just super hyped to be 20 ft away.

Then, we hoofed it back to the Mall.

Seriously, we walked about 6 miles in total today.

About 80% of them were before the concert.

Then we stood for 3 hours in the same spot.

I don't mean to speak poorly of it, honestly it was incredibly well constructed. A huge mass of talent, mixed with perfect stagecraft, and some classic American songs. Mix in a million people, dancing and singing and laughing and clapping along, and it made for quite the spectacle.

But then, getting out... then getting lost in the city, then having the metro stations overflowing with lines stretching three blocks away... You know, made for a long end to a long day.

If you read carefully, you'll notice I didn't mention eating at all throughout our entire day... Which, was a really poor choice and critical oversight. Finally checked into the hotel, went next door, had some Red Lobster and all was well.

It's late, and we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

So, till then, be well.

Cheers,
-Rys

My Inaugural Adventures... Day 1 part 1

-- This was written while we were driving down --

It’s 8:20 am, and the souls are coughing.
Now, it’s all about technology.

We’re almost seven hours into our adventure. We have all of three working CDs in the car, and the last of them is about to end. That sounds like more of a metaphor than it’s intended.

We began this venture at exactly 1:32 am, it was 21 degrees out, and I’d not slept in over twelve hours. Moms was freshly woken from the most magic hour and a half nap of her adult life.

A quick open letter to Governor Ed Rendell. Dear Governor, Plow some fucking roads. You just picked our pocket for $13.75 in tolls to pass through your precious commonwealth and you don’t have the decency to increase the likelihood of our survival with just a single plow out on the roads. Yes, people do drive through the night. Although we enjoy everyone’s favorite winter time driving fun, make your own lane cause you can’t see the lines anyways – we’d prefer the order and structure of clearly demarked lanes.

Both the hours and the miles seem to fly by now that I’m serenading moms as she drives. Except at the moment, cause I’m narrating this post out loud, -- brief interjection, moms would like you to know we high fived when crossing the Mason Dixon Line… We assumed southern culture was a decade or so behind socially, so the high five seemed appropriate.

The Starbucks courses through us both, even at $2.00 + for a large… That’s right, I said large, it was 7 am and the young woman behind the counter was too pleasant and hung over to correct me.

Maryland is super fucking bleak, I can’t believe the population isn’t in violent daily swings. Either you’re bored and fornicating (what else is there to do) or you’ve ended it all to wipe away the grey of the Maryland skyline…

Though, the high tension power lines are reassuring… Almost like signs of civilization.

To perpetuate the running gag, I’m seeing a lot of out of state license plates – and I know where they’re all going. The same place everyone is going, we’re collapsing slowly upon the center of the political universe.

52 miles until Virginia, by Moms estimation… I’ve never been so excited to enter Virginia, until I met Maryland.

Johnny Cash is recalling his Saturday night glories, in Sunday morning coming down.

A few moments ago, I was taking photos of moms and I – except they’re an unflattering angle of me, and she was just too busy trying to keep us on the road to pay attention and smile.

That’s all for now, I want to smoke.

My Future Called...

Accordingly, the weather report says it's Bright -- so much so they recommend I wear "shades."

Wow, way to bury a pop culture allusion.

Any how, I was sitting at my desk Monday evening, just after dinner, and this arrived.

Fortunately, two emails arrived at the same time -- so, the preview pane was filled with some crap about Tigerdirect's 3rd rendition of Pink Somethings (another indicator of how bad holiday sales were this year).

I believe I exclaimed -- "Oh shit, it's happening." Or something along those lines. Took me a minute to convince myself I had to open / look at / face the email.

I'll be honest with you here internets, after the exam I felt a lot better about my performance than on our previous attempt -- but through the three weeks of waiting my confidence waned, then LSAC bumped back the "expected" release date until the 5th of January...

What I'm trying to extend here is that I was actually afraid of an email. Which is actually hilarious now that I think of it.

The 92nd Percentile -- welcome to the realm of the academic elite.

So, if you didn't get the mass text message I'd sent out -- or if you're not a friend of mine on Facebook, this is your official notice. Actually, this is pretty well moot -- anyone who would stop by here is either a friend on Facebook or saved in my cellphone...

Anyhow, I was in shock for about a half hour. Then we went out and drank from the Chalice of Champions -- literally it was a neon pink plastic cup scrawled on in pen, but it still felt special.

Went a little deep, ended up going at it until about 4 am, slept three hours on Meg's couch, then came home to nap away half the day -- two days before News Years Eve. I make bad choices, intentionally. =0P

Till next time, be well in all you do.
Cheers,
-Rys

Six Months, 17 Days -- Almost to the Minute.

That is officially how long i've been ignoring you...

Once more, I speak of you as the collective internet populace.

Three thoughts.

First, Field of Dreams. "If you build it, they will come."

This clever phrase isn't entirely accurate, or for that matter its not generalizable beyond homemade baseball fields and the spirits of ball players.

My website doesn't receive a great deal of traffic. Its understandable, there is no porn available for download here (oddly enough, the internet is full of porn -- no other industry can compete with its market share). While it seems a simple solution, if we're to have any life in public service in the future -- it becomes slightly more complicated.

What I mean to say is I don't receive a lot of traffic. While I did build a site, no one stops by if I never add anything. I haven't updated it in some time, I haven't posted here on the blog in 6.5 months, I don't know that I've even posted photos.

We will perhaps in the near future redesign the site to something more flexible that I can update more quickly, and see if we can't convince people I'm worth keeping tabs on.

Second, Information Control / A Narrow Window Lacking Context:

Those who have little contact or receive little information from me personally, will be forced to rely on the information they can glean from the site. If I read over my site here, i'd think things were not going particularly well for me. That is simply not the case, which leads to my third point.

Third, I Only Come Here to Wallow and Whine / I've Not Got Time For You When Things Are Well.

It seems recent blog posts exemplify and over sample times of confusion and introspection. This post, like the last is being written at 2:30 in the morning -- again, I can't sleep. It's not like this day has been uneventful. Woke up at 6 something this morning, drove an hour out to Kent State University, went big on the LSAT (working from that assumption, won't know until somewhere between Christmas and the New Year), came home, tried to take a nap, ate dinner, went over to Megs, hung out, came home, and now this. Mix a lot of coffee in between almost all of those steps, and it makes a bit more sense.

It seems I only have time to do this when I'm not busy. When I'm busy, I'm happy -- generally. I like to be moving at a million miles a minute, even though I sometimes don't like who I am, when I am. There are so many stories to tell about the things I've done between then and now, the projects I was part of, the incredible people I had the great honor to meet and lead, hundreds upon hundreds of random and sometimes momentary interactions -- which lend a truly rich life the subtle flavoring that separates it from the mundane/uneventful. All these things that I have done, which I've not yet made mention of here.

In the interim, if we fall back on old habits -- assume I'm well. It follow logically -- very concise focus on what follows logically these days, read above: LSAT. If I do invest the time and energy to convert this into a more active hobby, I expect you to come back and check -- I'll be watching.

But, in turn, I don't intend to spend my precious time here whining/wallowing. I came here to invite you to overlook my whining of recent (its a relative term, I mean those posts published most recently) and look forward to my posts in the near future.

Cheers,
-Rys

It's Two AM, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Point of fact, it's actually a lot nearer 2:30, and this most recent cup of coffee most likely wasn't a great idea...

So, I was drunk all of two hours ago. Floating around almost fully conscious, with a good majority of my motor functions in tact. It was the residual effect of sitting through three hours of the longest, saddest and coldest baseball game I've attended in sometime. A little life advice, drinking only makes you feel warmer, you're not actually any warmer the weather just seems a bit more bearable ... but still, drinking makes you feel warmer... try it.

Upon my return home I could've just stumbled up the stairs and fell softly into bed. Well, most likely it'd not been the most graceful descent... I have missed the bed before...

Either way, I chose to stay up. Initially without purpose, I just didn't feel like my day should've ended yet. Thats unfortunately common for me when I feel I'm not achieving enough. Not only do I not like going to bed, dragging myself out of bed in the morning becomes a bit more difficult as well.

Eventually, I found something to sink some time into. Monday was the season finale of House, and I'd missed it because I was looking after the girls alongside my... brother-in-law's brother (i just referenced the vast collective knowledge of the internets... we're officially of no relation; so I'm creating the term double-brother-in-law) Johnny Boy. So, again, to the internets to acquire the two most recent episodes, which shared a story line without the ever ominous cliff hanger "to be continued..."

I'll not ruin it for you, but I will mention it's exceptionally well done, not at all predictable and worthy of the ratings and share it received. While that is a normative statement, I just saw the Nielsen's over on the HuffingtonPost.

Wanted to drag one more subject into this post, since i've essentially said nothing thus far.

I know... something a little over personal and a bit dated at this point in time.

So, about a month back I was standing in Virginia's office (I don't remember the number of her office, she's the political science departmental secretary, and a lovely woman) attempting to RSVP for an event that she didn't invite me to. I was in the wrong place, which is not surprising with what little care I put into reading the award letter. This serves as another knee-jerk reaction of socially instilled forced humility, near the end of my college career I stopped reading award letters... I just glanced upon them and moved on. Not a great example, but it serves as a
clever contrast to what I'm about to put forward next. There I stand in front of Virginia attempting to RSVP to an event the political science department wasn't hosting, it was actually a bit of conflation on my part because a week previous i'd RSVP'd for a different event with her. In doing so, I made her aware that I was aware that I was receiving the departmental award. Virginia, being a wonderful individual, was overjoyed that she could finally show me the small metal tag with my name engraved upon it that was to be mounted in perpetuity on the plaque hanging in her office. I was honored in fact, oddly enough because my name would stand throughout the ages beneath the great SJE (an individual I hold in great reverence).

Wheres the contrast you ask? Well, heres where it gets interesting... sorry for the elongated setup there, it was a necessary evil. The name engraved above SJE belonged to someone i'd previously dated. The truly inane thing is it instantly cheapened the entire honor in my mind. It's important to note that she's found some measure of success, after graduating with her bachelors and her JD no less, but she wasn't quite on the level. Now I don't know if she dumbed herself down in my presence, buying into that socially perpetuated myth that men only like women who don't challenge them intellectually, or if she weren't up to snuff all twenty-four hours of the day.

I just realized these look a lot like the rants and tirades of a scorned ex, so i'll add this important and introspective caveat: I too acted differently in the relationship. This is an aside, feel free to skip past it. One of my greatest problems, especially in relationships -- although it's generalizable beyond the intimate realm, is when I come upon something I truly enjoy I spend too much time and energy attempting to keep it, in turn not experiencing it in full and pretty consistently losing it in turn.

These are the sort of things that come about when I'm left only to my thoughts. I actually found my reaction and disappointment in the award a bit humorous.

It ties back to the concept of comparative measure. Often we measure ourselves in terms of others. A is better than B at C. This is incredibly shallow and myopic. First, our capacity and capability have nothing to do with those around us, they offer only a convenient yardstick for an empty comparison. It's meaningless because it's myopic. No longer do we compete only within our own tribe for the largest share of the day's hunt. Be it local, state, national or global the field is now larger than those within an arm's length.

Not to mention, my greatness has nothing to do with the quantifiable gap between myself and my nearest competition. Hell, it's not even got to be quantified or acknowledged or presented or carved into a plaque for all to see.

It's three AM, i'm tapping out.

One last point to make... Benjamin Franklin agrees with another post of mine from some time ago... the quote "O that moral science were in as fair a way of improvement, that men would cease to be wolves to one another, and that human beings would at length learn what they now improperly call humanity."

Cheers,
-Rys

I Offer This as a Contrast

To the previous post that is...

I'm hiding in a coffee house. The Phoenix on Mayfield to be more specific. (http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&client=firefox-a&channel=s&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=2qh&q=4441+Mayfield+Rd,+Cleveland,+OH+44121,+USA&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&resnum=1&ct=title)

I'm indulging in my favorite treat of recent, a half mocha / half hot chocolate... Ask real nice, they'll make you one as well. I don't know if it still falls under the category of treat, considering i've been averaging one a day for the past three. Sadly, this has become where I go when I don't want to be home.

I'm stuck in neutral.

And, as much as three days doesn't really seem like cause for concern, it's important we act before it becomes commonplace and we grow complacent with the idea.

"I stand before you today a man humbled by the recent recognition of his own mortality. I've always considered myself both a gentlemen and a scholar, and as these processions come to an end today an important part of my character ends alongside it. Thats right, we walk out of here and i'm going to become an absolute prick... (pause for laughter)"

That there was going to be the opening to my Valedictorian speech. Well, something close to that. I'd run through a couple turns of phrase in the shower leading up to the date, while I was still working under the assumption I was under consideration. Turns out I didn't take the honor and the young woman who was presented such a half hearted presentation my opening line there was superior to the entirety of her remarks. I'm not being boastful, and I don't raise the point just to take a shot at the young woman.Though, I will note, I had a higher GPA. Thats it, enough of that.

The point I was making indirectly there is still valid. I've lost definition. To a surprisingly farther extent than even I had originally assumed. While it is obvious the scholarly half was dependent upon my schooling, I didn't predict the gentlemen part would be as well. I'm at my best when surrounded by people. It was a large part of why I enjoyed college so much. Even the tiny, quaint, and possibly even pointless half moment interactions really made my day.

This is beginning to look a lot like drivel, so lets get back on point.

I need to start making some very large decisions that should've been made some time ago.

I thought I had a plan... alright, it atleast sounded like a plan as I repeated it over and over ad nauseum to the query "whats next?" Actually, one of the highlights of my evening was the singular deviation from the seemingly prepared remarks. I told someone, almost literally "i'll not lie to you like the rest of these people, i'm going to sell out, make that money, and live large..." and, I almost said it with a straight face as well.

So, back to the assumed plan: Yesterday, I made good on my promise of calling the head of the O'Neill campaign... He's running for the 14th district House Seat here in Ohio, if the name sounds familiar it's because he's currently the 11th district judge and he was on the ballot for the state supreme court in 04 and 06. BTW, if you were counting, we've still got 9 republicans on the OSC. While the call was short lived, I could barely breath. The weight of it all was apparent from the first ring. They're not yet really "actively campaigning." Which I could've / should've just assumed. As well, the only paid position they were hiring for was a Finance Director (FEC compliance, etc...) a position I was obviously under qualified for. It's not that it didn't go well, it simply drew out the time line... or fell short of the ideal... how ever you'd like to think of it. So, we stand in a holding pattern, 4-6 weeks, until the really ground game gets going, etc...

But, the point being, it's seemed to amplify my doubt with the standing plan. With way too much time to think, i'm starting to question my path. Not to mention, alternative options have been raised. I do like the Masters of Political Management program, it sounds spot on for what i'm looking to do. Not to mention, it's in heart of it all, and you can't beat the exposure / placement. But, Saturday, it appeared there is a small but growing consensus between people I trust dearly that Law School might be a reasonable option for me as well. Then, earlier today Nino raised the specter of Akron's Bliss Instititute's dual JD/Applied politics degree.

So, thats where I stand. Which is really no where definite. Not to mention theres the nagging want for materialistic things and the fact that i've not been employeed for a year now. All spurious but important factors weighing down upon me.

We'll continue this at some other point, some other time, when I don't feel like "that guy" sitting in a coffee house huddled behind a tiny laptop.

Be good to one another, and as always...

Cheers,
-Rys

It's All Happening...

I've got 10 minutes, and this is how I'm spending them... be grateful.

In only ten minutes, i'll leave here and enter the real world... whatever that means these days.

Going to graduate today.

I'm three days heavy of 26, and for the first time in some time I didn't resent my lack of success on my birthday.

It's all happening, and I'm more ready then I've ever been to meet the challenge.

Be good,
Cheers,
-Rys

Your Invitation to the Trifecta Celebration!!!

If you've not received one in person, through email, or through facebook... this is it.

The Craziest Thing Just Happened To Me

I just received a series of emails...

That's not all that unique an occurrence.

Whats really crazy about it is that I just realized it was my birthday because other people were wishing me well on my Facebook wall.

Thats how busy i've been.

Cheers,
-Rys

So It Seems Someone Else Thinks I'm Special As Well...

So, yeah... I don't know how to introduce this without seeming egoistic and self-indulging...

In the most neutral language possible. In returning from class this afternoon, I found a letter from Cleveland State on my desk.

This is said letter:























There it is ladies and gentlemen, my perfect excuse to buy a new suit.

Cheers and good luck to you all,
-Rys

It's Far Too Beautiful Day To Be Stuck Behind a Monitor

For that very reason, I offer this only to allude to what i'm withholding...

Had recently added a concept to the collection of those I regularly mentally mull over this weekend, which isn't all that indistinct from one I had with one of you all some years ago.

I was going to spend an hour or so fleshing it out here in 4,000 words or less... But, it's really nice outside.

Since I've been waiting for a nice day to stain my table, I can't miss this opportunity...

Cheers,
-Rys

Something a Little Shallower & More Self-Aggrandizing

Yeah... Cause my ego really needs one more boost...

Leading up to the Nomination Reform Competition my team had briefly floated the idea of getting some some of hand out printed for the poster session. Unfortunately, while a good idea, it came a little late for the requisite minimum printing time.

The day of the competition itself I had the great honor of interacting with a good two hundred students and faculty and organizers, some of which I would of liked to been able to keep in touch with. Networking in it's most basic sense.

So a day or two ago, I decided I was going to get a business card printed up. If you've learned anything from me in our time together here, it's that I don't short change anything. Anything worth doing, is worth doing well. As well, I'm not going to put forward a business card that's classic black lettering on a pasty white background... it's just not me.

Here today, I'm leaking what could be considered a preview of my new card design. I blocked out my cell phone number, if I want you to have it... I'll hand you a card. Pretty sure I still have to design a backing to the card, but most likely I will just put another favorite quote or two...

Cheers,
-Rys

p.s.- I'm pretty sure you can click to enlarge the image.

p.s.s.- The gray border isn't real, it's the "bleed" area... Although, it does have a certain appeal to it...

In the Unending Dichotomy Between Comedy and Tragedy...

I rather be smiling...

So, yesterday was perhaps one of the best selections of seminar readings I've experienced all semester. That being said, it's important to note that I didn't read them until today.

In an attempt to dismiss a truly rare academic shortcoming, I'd like to note we'd fallen a bit behind in the readings. It's genuinely both no one and everyone's fault. An odd combination of pseudo-holidays (I'm sorry to the Irish of the world... I don't hold St. Patty's Day in the highest regard) and extreme and extraordinary harsh winter weather.

That being said, we were assigned (I don't know how I missed this, considering I was present and taking notes and all) to read two days of the syllabus to catch up. The great irony in this is that the room fell silent in discussion. Unfortunately, this isn't all that vast a contrast to the average class period, but at an absolute minimum there are (including me) about 3-4 people who actively participate in the discussion. They're not historic discussion, we don't unearth some timeless truth, but they're of great merit and value in attempting to discern the validity and value of the readings.

So, back to where we started, I read them today.

The first selection was from Kevin MacDonald, who I'm not all that personally fond of at the moment. For reference it was; The Culture of Critique Ch. 2, The Boasian School of Anthropology and the Decline of Darwinism in the Social Sciences. I'd include a link to Amazon, but again I'm not particularly happy with Mr. MacDonald at the moment.

I'll be the first to admit that this is the most basic example of cognitive dissonance. Initially, I had trouble with MacDonald because he's rallying against Boas and his disciples in their work towards the basic equity of all humans. Or, for that matter, their advancement of an academic contrast to eugenics. Because I disagreed with his premise, that natural psychological road block constructed itself in an attempt to disapprove of his tactics... in turn easing the process of disagreeing with his arguments.

So, instead of attempting to rally against his arguments or disprove his assertions (because I don't possess the adequate proficiency or mastery of subject) I instead attacked his line of attack. Falling victim to the same shortcomings I accuse him of doing. It seems he spends all his time castigating his perceived nemesis, accusing them of more scholarship than science while doing the exact same thing himself.

So, you know, bugger him. And, not just for disagreeing with a concept I hold dearly, but for doing so in a process that can best be described as "Academic Assassination." (I'm going to pretend I coined that phrase... scratch that, just google'd it... 398,000 hits on the massive interwebs)

Either way, onto the point of this post... (fuggin finally, i'm not known for my concise style -- for obvious reasons)

The second reading (there's actually three, but i'm distracting myself with this post at the moment) was an article from the Atlantic Monthly (April, 1998) named "The Biological Basis of Morality" by Edward O. Wilson (Short Bio from the Atlantic Monthly: Edward O. Wilson is the Pellegrino University Research Professor and Honorary Curator in Entomology at Harvard University).

This is the link (you really should read it, it's relatively short) -- http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/98apr/biomoral.htm

It's an incredible article and in reading it I felt a lot like I did when I first read Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morality. It seemed to draw together various loose conceptions i'd held/invented/absorbed overtime, tying them together masterfully into a straightforward argument. I'll not rob you of the cathartic experience of reading it for yourself (not to mention I doubt I'd be able to really do it justice, and most likely just shade or taint your expectations) nor in any way enable you to skip the genuine experience for the false idol I'd inevitably put forward.

Wow, through a bit of lofty rhetoric I elevated that article quite a bit... These things happen.

Either way, it was the conclusion that left me in a sort of introspective tailspin. Dr. Wilson concludes as follows; "The eventual result of the competition between the two world views, I believe, will be the secularization of the human epic and of religion itself. However the process plays out, it demands open discussion and unwavering intellectual rigor in an atmosphere of mutual respect."

If ever there were three things lacking from the discussion of religion and moral principles/precepts they'd be: Open Discussion, Unwavering Intellectual Rigor and an Atmosphere of Mutual Respect. This of course, got me thinking. The inevitability of conflict born out of absolute and unwavering beliefs troubles me.

Of course I began to think of the disdain I hold personally for the "pathologically religious" (which I was about to attribute to Keith Olbermann, until I google'd it, and it tied back to Freud -- the unexpected irony of which is striking considering the MacDonald piece). Basically, think Evangelical Christians or Islamic Extremists (that equivocation there will haunt me professionally if later discovered -- in humorous contrast to the other 60,000 words covering my personal deviance in regards to drinking and drugs and what not expounded upon here).

Then my thoughts turned to existence itself (as we conceive of it). I remember back when I was 12 or so, I began to consider what happened after death. I can remember the countless restless hours lost to thoughts of non-existence. It's a disturbing and frightful concept, even thinking of it now sends the slightest of shivers down my spine. As a thought exercise, take everything you know and love of your existence currently, and invert it... It always frightened me much more than any concept of hell, at least hell was something, somewhere, no matter how unpleasant... it was at least something.

Then somehow (really, if you could climb in my mind with me... its a bit scatter shot at times) my thoughts turned to Jed Bartlett, yes... the fictional President presiding over the liberal utopia known as "The West Wing" (best show ever, "forever ever, forever ever ever", by the way). In my mind he embodies some how the compromise of tolerance I could be content with. I'm going to flub this quote here (not even the ever powerful googles can track it down) but, its something along the lines of this paraphrase... "My christianity works for me Tobias." A little context is required to make that meaningful, to set the scene: Toby (communications director and part time antagonist of President Bartlett) was worried about telling the president that his ex-wife was pregnant with their twins, because he thought his christian morals would be disapproving of such an occurance (two things, yes, I intentionally didn't capitalize that twice over -- to the dismay of the spell checker built into Firefox -- and, I believe occurance is a word).

Basically, I think of the religious in the same way a good deal of the religious think of homosexuals. They're content to allow it to happen if they don't have to be inconvenienced by the public display of it. Giving birth to such lines as "what two consenting adults do in their own home is no business of mine," (which is a bit crap by the way considering how they'd equally be happy to allow spousal/child abuse by the same logic).

Either way, I was pacing about anxious and unsure... disturbed by the uncertainty and seemingly irrevocable nature of the topic (it might have been exacerbated by the level of caffeine flowing through my veins, matched only by the lack of food, and the length of time since my last cigarette). But, I was unsettled and worried for a moment that this concept might consume my mind for well too long today.

But I found refuge in timeless irreverence.

Monty Python Sings.

Which is both a declarative statement and the name of an album from the early nineties, containing what could charitably be described as the greatest hits of the Monty Python troop. If you don't know who / what I'm talking about, please leave (seriously, yesterday I came to discover not nearly as many people as I'd previously assumed had seen Reservoir Dogs -- and I can't bare your insolence/ignorance any further). (Wow, that was an elitist aside, no?)

But, as the title/sub-title contends... In the Unending Dichotomy Between Comedy and Tragedy... I'd rather be smiling...

So, I qued up the timeless classics "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" / "Galaxy Song" / "Lumberjack Song" / "Penis Song" / "Money Song" / "Accountancy Shanty" / "Every Sperm is Sacred" / "Eric the Half a Bee" / "Meaning of Life" / "Henry Kissinger" worked out a bit... then put this together.

Cheers and good luck to you all,
-Rys

p.s. - I'm using post to bury my last post. If you haven't read it yet, feel free to skip over it.

Mostly I'm Tired of People Being Ugly to Each Other

Again, I'm cribbing a quote to make a point, this time with video...

First, of course (Of-course fucking of-course. I wasn't asking, I was telling-- Bricktop "Snatch")... the obligatory drivel: If you're observant enough to consider time and date stamps on my posts, it's been a while. In fact, you missed all the dreary and uneventful details of my Spring Break. I've come to realize the more visceral details of memories fade the fastest. Therefore, I'm trying to put this post together now...

That being said, I've had an odd day.
Stumbled upon an interesting first today, that at first didn't seem all that unique. Only after a little introspection there after did I realize it was in fact a first.

Was sitting in Public Policy class today, and we were receiving a lecture on decision making. Nothing all that interesting or unique yet, we're getting there... building context...

Turro, (Turro is a good cat, a little older, but I'm pretty sure he's active/connected in the Ohio Democratic party, and offers a varied perspective... I don't want to assume a man's age, but he might be a P60 student, and I think I've expressed my high regard for them here previously.) raised a scenario he'd phrased as 'hyper-avoidance' where in an official puts off/ignores a problem then rushes through the decision making when called on their inaction. This leads to Dr. Sneed putting forward an example involving "The MOVE Organization."

Now, oddly enough, I was previously unaware of MOVE. Which is surprising to me personally, in the fact that I have soft spot in my heart for injustice. It's worth mentioning that details surrounding this incident are unclear, especially depending upon one's perspective/side. But, the details presented in class today culminated with the fact that the Mayor of Philadelphia (Mayor W. Wilson Goode)(and a very small, and intentionally selected group of individuals) decided to lay siege to their compound (in the middle of a series of "row houses").

And, lay siege they did. We're not talking about a tactical assault, (which concerns itself with the wellbeing of individuals and the preservation of life, even though we're all against criminals and extremists -- they still deserve the rights and protections of our criminal justice system) we're talking about laying siege, as we did in the age of empires. They attempted to force them out by flooding the building with fire hoses. When that didn't work, they decided to drop explosives on the roof of the building. It's not quite the molten oil/lead of the days of old, but it did just as well to burn down 52 houses in the surrounding area. It's important to note here that the half dozen children (most too young to even understand what was transpiring around them) inside the building had in fact drowned to death.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. This was 1985 in the United States of America. In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... The City of Brotherly Love, one of the birthplaces of American democracy...

I was, at first, incredulous that the plan involved fire hoses and explosives. But, that was in turn sort of the moral of the story... The dangers of rushing decisions, excluding knowledgeable individuals, etc...

It took me a little longer to draw the appropriate contrast, which was even more devastating. I eventually thought of those British troops that refused to fire upon Ghandi and his followers. Yes, I realize that the situations were drastically different... Ghandi and his followers insisted upon non-violent resistance, and John Africa and his followers had amassed weapons and held themselves in a row house retrofitted into a bunker reinforced with steel. That being said, we're contrasting India in 1930 verses the United States in 1985.

It was all just too much. The class moved on after a prolonged debate on the topic, and the lecture continued... I actually raised my hand, before taking a moment to consider that what I was about to put forward was in whole simply spiteful and cynical, dismissively and silently waved off the concept of my participation in the debate... waited thirty seconds or so, and walked out of the classroom.

This was the first time I ever actually walked out of a class, at least with the intention to step outside for a ciggi and a moment to recenter myself. Came close once, after watching the documentary on Rwanda last semester, but fortunately class had ended almost directly after finishing it.

"God is in the Rain" Evey Hammond -- V for Vendetta. I'll not include the context alongside the quote, but rather suggest you go track down a copy of V for Vendetta yourself (personal favorite).

Fortunately, for me, it happened to be raining when I stepped outside. It was cold and sharp and refreshing, exactly what I needed it to be at the moment. So, I paced around a few moments and had a cigarette, calmed down a bit and found my center again... It was exactly what I needed it to be. It took all of three minutes, and didn't serve as much of a spectacle to those third parties that might have been looking on. In fact, beyond the spatter of rain upon my clothing no one would've been the wiser upon my return.

And that was that... Now, on to the title of this post. (and, the promised video... please excuse the formating... I blame Blogger and YouTube)

The line is actually from "The Green Mile." It's worth noting that this was one of the only movies I actually saw, then went back and read the book, then went back and read the screenplay. I don't know where the misconception began, but I don't like reading. I read that which is assigned to me, but I don't read for leisure. In reading the novel / screenplay, I came to discover why it's not a great idea. The novel and screenplay/movie are significantly different, in important ways.

Beyond that, this is a concept I've been mulling over for a few years now:

I can't conceive why we treat each other so poorly.

There is just so much unfounded hatred in the world. I know that seems like a baseless and blanket statement, just one of the most recent manifestations of my inability to repress my idealism, but give it a moments thought.

Really, consider for a moment why we choose to treat strangers like competitors? Where does this rampant distrust stem from? Is it really just a race to hoard all the scarce resources we can? And if so, to what end? He who dies with the most toys, still dies.

This actually comes to tie into one of my newest favorite quotes... "Why are we kind? Not because we expect the kindness of others in turn, but because we believe the world needs more kindness..."

You can see how this concept would culminate into the forefront with today's discussion, and force me to step away a moment. I can't say it feels like shards of glass in my skull (watch the video if you don't understand the reference), but someone squeezing my heart.

It's worth noting that today is the five year anniversary of the War in Iraq, and I'm sure somewhere, someone is celebrating... Perhaps the boardroom of KBR or Lockheed Martin? More to the point at hand, today on the Huffington Post (www.huffingtonpost.com) their homepage of course featured the anniversary, and included various statistics:

Almost 4,000 dead American soldiers (i'm sure that excludes contractors, both mercenary and otherwise), 25,000+ injured (we're not talking bumps and bruises here, we're talking debilitating and serious injuries) and finally, 2,100 suicide attempts by troops after returning home. And, that's just "us."

But, what I find more irksome is the remainder of the statistics:

4.5 million (4,500,000) refugees created by the Iraq war. Imagine if a civil war was installed in the middle of Alabama (a state whose population just happens to be 4.5 million), and the violence caused the entire population to flood outwardly from the state. I don't pretend the situation is analogous, but its close enough for my purposes. Not to mention extremist groups have been classically most successful in recruiting new members from areas of transient populations. Such as refugee camps set up on the borders of neighboring countries...

82,000-89,000 Iraqis killed. Those are the numbers from the Iraqi Coroners, the same coroners who received political pressure to stop counting, which are most likely soft numbers. The estimates from "independent organizations" (those lacking political/military influence) put the count closer to a half million. Perhaps it's better to expound upon that a bit... 500,000 ...

500,000 men, women and children. Children who'd done nothing but come up on the wrong side of the dice roll of universal proportions that decided they were to be born there and then.

This is the ugliness of which I speak.

I don't know what it is inside of us that lets us draw some arbitrary distinction between them and us... Because they happen to live half a planet away? Because their skin is slightly darker than ours? Because they happen to believe in a different god?

How is their suffering not our suffering? How is the death of an Iraqi child less devastating than the death of a lily white farmer's daughter from the Midwest? One certainly receives a disproportionate amount of news coverage.

But, no one enjoys this darkness. No one has the time to shed a tear for their lives, we'd spend our days and weeks and years crying. Perhaps it's that same survival instinct that turns strangers to competitors that turns our heart cold to human suffering.

Either way, as promised, the video:

Till next time,
Cheers and good luck,
-Rys

p.s.- This post got a little long and convoluted, but as I said, it's been a weird day.

It's Been Said ... That All Men Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation...

The epic and eternal struggle of the individual against the collective...

Towards a bit of house keeping, this is in fact my second post in as many hours. Or, at least it's begun within that time frame... Considering it's been weeks since my last post and months since the last time I put something forward of any substance. I'll cede the fact that I'm not known for my consistency.

Beyond the obligatory drivel, here we go.

I understand the necessity of the tenuous and on going struggle that exists between the impulses and wants of the individual and the peacefulness and well being of society as a whole. If everyone did only what was in their interest, the collective has to deal with the unforeseen externalities. There is an underlying pragmatism to the tacit understanding between the individual and the whole. But, it is in turn a spectrum, and a malleable spectrum at that.

Adam Smith was wrong, by the way. While what he put forward in the wealth of nations was impressive and he deserves a great deal of credit for his ideas, he was a bit short sighted. I can't really fault him considering his place in time... How could anyone really predict where we've lead ourselves?

I make a conscious and constant effort to be aware of others, and consider them and the way my actions would indirectly affect them. I feel a good majority of individuals in our society lack an awareness of the whole, and that to me is a problem. I don't remember this rampant lack of consideration by others in the 90s. Perhaps times were better economically, and people were happier in general... or perhaps it's larger than that. Perhaps in fact the stand up comic in my mind hijacked the stage and filibustered his way through my free time, leaving the philosopher little recourse but to go dormant. Even better, perhaps it's not just policy that's lead top down, but culture as well. Perhaps the laissez faire and zero sum mentality of leadership here in the states has transfered and superimposed itself upon the citizenry. Leaving them believing that their fellow citizen were only competition for scarce resources and not kin trying to survive the same struggles in life. The lack of shared empathy... we've sold our sense of community for a leg up.

Back to the point at hand. And time for a quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
----from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson. If you like the paragraph, you’ll love the book...! (AMAZON.COM)
^^That's right, it's so good i'm shamelessly plugging it.^^

While this quote appears on my facebook page (http://csuohio.facebook.com/profile.php?id=53703330)

I'd made an effort to scrub God from it, which I think honestly detracts from the quote itself... therefore I offer it to you here in full.

I'd like to draw attention to a few very distinct parts. First, "We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" This is where my struggle begins. This is, at least in my mind, a quaint allusion to Nietzsche's "Slave Revolt in Morality" (see the previous post, and my apologies again for quoting the big N). For a little context, I'll offer a vast oversimplification of the concept for our purposes here. Basically, the priests convinced those of the noble morality to resent all those virtues they held to be good and proud, and told them they were the evils of man. In turn, it inverted the paradigm of power, enabling the priests to usurp the nobles.

I'll be the first to admit, and often you'll hear me say "I'm a bit of an ass." And, while it serves the purpose of being charming through a bit of self-deprecation... I often wonder if it is in itself a betrayal of self in the most basic sense? By the way, as effete and pretentious as I often appear and act, I've not used the terms "gorgeous" or "fabulous" to describe myself... ever.

Secondly, "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do." The tail end of that quote is more powerful and pertinent than it ever were previously. Every day I have the great honor and pleasure of experiencing first hand my darling nieces discovering all that is wondrous and amazing about their little limited worlds. Even though at this point in time they can't wrap their developing minds around the concept of "pride" (theres a good chance CQ can't even speak the word yet) I believe they can and do receive the rush of emotion as our eyes gleam with amazement at the most recent challenge they've bested. Towards the first half of the quote, part of me has never completely forgiven myself for my feigned ignorance in high school. I wasn't the man I am now, and I dumbed myself down... because "going along to get along" is one of the most basic survival tools. Again, a massive betrayal of self, and it in turn wasted years of my life.

Finally, "It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." There it is ladies and gents. An automatic excuse built in, removing culpability instantly when we allow the spectrum to slide a little farther than we possibly should. It has sort of a "blame the victim" feel about it. Furthermore, i imagine those that do live by this creed find themselves alone and disdained. Which ever literary reference you prefer... "Primus Inter Pares" (first among equals) or "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others" (Orwell, Animal Farm ... pretty sure i've never actually read it). It both supports and defies my egalitarian perspective.

I've got to bring this to a close, because it's already occupied more time than I ever intended to allot it. I love most those people who love me exactly for who I am. Those who are aware and appreciative of this enormous internal struggle between what I could be and what others would be more comfortable with. And so, like time itself, the struggle continues.

Perhaps it's because I believe in the great unknown that connects every individual together, beyond the concept of society & social contract, that I have faith that everyone struggles with this conundrum from time to time. I just wish the stand up comic would fight for a little more time on the stage, cause the philosopher in my mind is generating a little too much doubt today.

Cheers and good luck to all of you,
-Rys

p.s.- This isn't about you, at least not entirely... I'll credit you with inspiration... Hows that for nuance?

I Quoted Nietzsche More Than Three Times In One Day

I'm pretty sure theres a rule against that... or at least there should be...

Oddly enough, they weren't negative references either.

Well, perhaps one was used to deride the priests for convincing those of the noble morality everything that was great about themselves was to be resented as evil.

It's important to put forward the context in which that was used. Simply because it's not something that finds its way into an everyday conversation naturally. Thats not to say that this was your run of the mill banter between two strangers just waiting for the other to stop talking so they can begin again... This was something else entirely. But, the reference itself was used to defend my ego, or my constant struggle verse what I believe the appropriate expression of pride and vanity in contrast to that which society deems acceptable.

In reality, this post isn't about Nietzsche... This post is a space filler and an opportunity to begin building a better habit.

I've come to recognize and accept that in the not so distant future I'll be a couple hundred miles from almost everyone I know and love, and it'd be appropriate to let them collectively know I'm living the dream.

Cheers and good luck to you all,
-Rys

*** New Gadget Alert ***

Yes, every once in a great while I actually buy something for myself.

I've been in the market for a laptop for some time now.

I wasn't looking to spend a great deal of money. (I'm not cheap, i'm frugal)

And, I was looking for two very key things: Size and Weight.

Came to discover the 9 inch, 2 lbs wonder known as the Asus EEE PC.

Decided to go with the 4G model from NewEgg.com: http://www.newegg.com/product/product.aspx?Item=N82E16834220246

Quick overview of the specs:

General
Color	Black
Operating System	Linux
CPU Type	Intel Mobile CPU
Screen	7" WVGA
Memory Size	512MB DDR2
Hard Disk	4GB Solid-State Disk
Graphics Card	Intel UMA
Video Memory	shared memory
Battery Life	3.5 hours
Dimensions	8.86" x 6.30" x 0.79-1.26"
Weight	2.0 lbs.

Then, wanted to supplement the RAM a bit, so I picked up: http://www.newegg.com/product/product.aspx?Item=N82E16820134513

Decided to include a YouTube tutorial video, it's all of 38 seconds (just to highlight how ridiculously easy it is to do): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_7ZZxb_q1g

Finally, I've provided an artist's rendition of what it'll look like with the custom printed piece of vinyl installed across the back of the lid.

Cheers,
-Rys

Those Who Know Me Best, Understand The Extreme Underlying Irony and Contrast

A small highlight of an incredible day...

It is important to note that sometimes I fall victim to assorting individuals by their ideology.

With all the rather hateful and seriously disagreeable things i've seen and heard Bay Buchanan say in the past, it's not unexpected that i'd place her on the other end of the spectrum.

That being said, I have to note that she was incredibly kind to me and genuinely interested in my plans for the future.

Cheers,
-Rys4k

p.s.- I don't believe that anyone I met at the event yesterday will be able to track me down or find their way here, but if they happen to... Let me take a moment to express how great it was to meet and compete with the lot of you.

A Kingmaker Update

These are the contests that have been scored thus far on Kingmaker.

Super Tuesday Points haven't come in yet, but I await with baited breath.

Cheers,
-Rys

I'm Treating It Like My Own Personal Secular Christmas

Thats how much I love professional politics...
And, I've finalized my caucus predictions:
If you're not yet playing:
http://kingmaker.politico.com/
Make your bones politically by predicting the primaries.
Cheers,
-Rys

Grades Are In Again.

Some how, the way they trickled in over the last few days, it's more of a whimper than a bang...

Actually been updating the site the last couple of days, there are a lot less blank pages...

Thats all.

-Rys

New Photos Posted...

Too lazy to actually post, i'll mention that though.

Cheers,
-Ry$4k

p.s.- The collective lot of you are bastards... i've not got a single comment to moderate.

This is Me, Reveling...

But... we can't be reveling in our recent victories, because new demands are looming right around the corner.

I've alloted all of a lunch hour for this very purpose, left overs from last night (btw).

So, as often as i've been suggesting it recently... my midterm season has finally officially ended.

Today, I received back my final midterm grade and that chapter is officially complete.

Believe me, I've let go of the illusions that the first half is the more difficult half of a semester. I was reminded today that it is in fact the most expensive part. I received a bill from my creditor reminding me that i've still not paid off in full the cost of my books for this semester.

But, again, today I received the last of my midterms back. It was supposed to be returned to me on Friday, but I was down in the mighty C-Bus enjoying the great Barack Obama live and in person. (On an aside, Firefox is convinced both Barack and Obama are misspelled.) Pictures to be posted in the near future.

Again, back to the topic at hand. This is me, in an ever self-aggrandizing manner, reveling in my recent academic successes.

So, onto the numbers:

PSC317 - Political Parties & Elections : Outstanding A+ (I'll safely assume that means 100%)
PSC318 - The Presidency & Congress : 31/25 (125%, by the way)
PSC329 - Politics of the European Union: 47/50 & 48/50 = 95/100 (not bad for stating "Each member state appoints a judge to the courts for a sex year renewable term." Lovely lovely typos.)
PSC331 - United States Foreign Policy : 100/100 (100% for those not mathematically inclined.)
SOC260 - Deviance in the United States : 104% (I break scales.)

They'll all be added to the closet door soon enough... But, today i've not got anymore time to spend congratulating myself. (By the way, i'll post a picture of that sometime soon)

Till next time,
-Ry$4k

A Continuation of the Sunday Tradition...

If only to emphasize why it failed in the first place.

So, it's Sunday evening, and i'm taking a moment to talk to you. The collective "you", who are ever gracious that the royal "we" share these fragments of that with you. Wow, i'm an ass.

Either way. It's Sunday night, and i'm adding to the blog. Victory is mine, in part.

I actually came to explain why i'd failed at the Sunday tradition in the first place. I've simply not got time for you baby. There are more pressing issues in my life than documenting private thoughts that will most likely only be used against me in the future. (Lay off my nuts NSA, or... please be gentle in the vetting process, i chafe.)

Back to the matter at hand, basically, i've spent all day studying. Well, studying and napping as it were. I'm only good for about 4-5 hours of work on caffeine alone, and abused the fragile balance to such an extent that even lunch couldn't save me.

On that note, i've got to get back to it. With class in less than 11 hours, theres supposed to be some sleep mixed in there eventually.

Till the next time I extend the olive branch,
-Ry$4k

p.s.- This is where you say thank you.

I No Longer Trust Numbers...

Thats the sort of statement that needs to be modified to not be received as purely sarcastic or simply ridiculous...

And modified it shall be; in reference to clothing, I no longer trust numbers.

It seems so simple a concept, use a measure of inches to represent the size of an article of clothing. I imagine at one point in time, they used to be actual objective measures of distance. A circumference of a waist band, or the measure from the crouch to the cuff.

On a side note, why hasn't anyone ever created and presented a third measure in mens clothing? Which could only be deemed the "drop"... The measure between the waistband and the crouch of the pants. All the blessed men amongst us know why that's a valid question...

But, I regress. In a general sense, i'm not the sort that appreciates absolutes. For the most part, I loathe them. I'm a man who understands the necessity of subtle nuance, but in this regard it doesn't serve us in the pragmatic sense. As men's clothing has become more and more stylized over time (read; effeminate) the previous paradigm of the inch has faded from glory.

Again, an aside, whens the last time you saw pants that weren't an even measurement? Seriously, do all men skip right past the 33" mark from crouch to cuff? Is it part of that awkward highschool growth spurt? Where we only grow in even denominations?

I blame society. Not just for the pressures and the more modern evolution of men's fashion, but it's disdain for uncouthness. Because I believe so deeply in freedom and society's obsession with cleanliness, i'm unable to try on pants before purchasing for the most part... Alright, that reference is slightly too obscure to make any sense to most (thats right, all 12 people that frequent this drivel). The freedom allusion is a soon to be unveiled reference to the fact that I don't wear underwear (go ahead, take a moment to revel in that). The point of course being, often by relying on the numeric system we've so exceptionally internalized, more often than not pants that I purchase don't fit as reliably as i'd like them to. I own about a half dozen pairs of jeans, all of which are purported to measure 34X34 inches, some made by the same manufacturer, and none of them fit the same.

Personally, I'm not particularly fond of the homogenized "McWorld" model in which the double cheeseburger of New York is the same as the one in Dubai or Columbus or San Fransico (I hear San Fran's has extra special "secret sauce") <-- inappropriate slighted reference to the west coast gay community, by the way. I understand the base concept, in branding and consistency, but I also loathe the lack of nuance. Which is a clever way to tie this all together and offer me an exit from it at the same time...

Cheers,
-Ry$4k

Eat, Drink and Be Merry...

I had a really nice evening...
Consider this evidence to be used against me later...

One Last Smoke Always Seems Like A Good Idea...

But, it rarely ever ends up that way.

Wow, It's Friggin Early

Well boys and girls, it's 6:45, i've been up for 15 minutes, and already I'm ready for bed...

Good lord, i've not been up this early in a while.

Really didn't sleep last night, more so just a series of short naps strung together through out the evening. Giddy like a school girl for this morning's events.

Coffee should be ready.

TTYL,
-Ry$4k

Date of Last Post: October 22nd, 2006 : Premise of Last Post: Posting More Regularly

Well, I've sold larger lies...

That being said, my dearest apologies.

We'll post more often, now that this appears on my website.

Cheers,
-Ry$4k

Lets Us Begin a Brand New Sunday Tradition...

A.K.A. - Sorry i've been neglecting you...

So, yeah, my apologies. I've not written in sometime.

Actually, as I look back upon my most recent posts, you've had no idea what I've been up to.

I go through this little quandry everytime I consider a post. What is an appropriate level of information in regards to what I consider my private life? Especially considering I've been making these words more and more public recently. We'll address that in but a moment though, I'm pretty sure i've already decided what to share, and what not to.

This then, shall be the new Sunday tradition. Sometime after family dinner, we'll take a moment, more like an hour for that matter, to recap my personal thoughts and experiences from the week. Pretty simple concept, let's see how faithful I can stay to said intent.

I'd start back at Monday of last week, but for the most part, the week itself were rather mundane. Well, actually, that's really not true. Lou came mighty close to falling victim to a crime, someone decided to break into the studio, and tried to rip the new 32" LCD TV off the wall.

Let me start by saying my opinion on national security, as my opinion on personal security remains unchanged. No matter what we spend, or what measures we take to try to assure our own personal security those who are intent on doing us harm will find a way to do so. So, the hours we'd wasted the day after, bolting closed windows, cutting back bushes, etc etc etc will in reality, not actually prevent any future crime from occuring.

There is just a bit of humor in the whole ordeal. While the 32" LCD only weighed in at about 45 pounds, we'd affixed it to the wall in such a matter, that the assailant was litterally putting his fist through the drywall surrounding the mount trying to rip it loose. This not only made Lou aware the crime was being committed, but allowed him to confront the assailant, and call the authorities. So, here's to doing the job right.

So, on to our weekend then.

Friday: Got a call from B somewhere about 8:30. He told me he intended to head up to Mary's Tavern, which is another in a string of dive bars in the seemingly infinite string that Euclid has to offer. I didn't find my way up there until almost 10:30. B was already pretty well lit, he was there with Ashdown and Bailey, both of which i'd not seen in some time. Good times were had by all. We went pretty deep that evening. I didn't get home until 3 am or so, but I was holding strong. Didn't catch that many hours of sleep either, was up by 10 or so Saturday.

Saturday: The mission of the day: Find a grey, v-neck sweater, with an unfinished bottom. Doesn't seem all that daunting a task at first glance, but a dozen retailers and 4 or 5 hours later, it proved to be just that. Ended up giving up on the idea, still been sifting through what EBay has to offer, but generally i'd really prefer to avoid Cashmere, not just because of price, but care as well. Found a rather nice Stacey Adam's black dress shirt, french cuffed, and a new blazer, corduroy, sort of a brownish red, and actually a new Kenneth Cole leather messenger bag, which'll replace my current bag.
This is all pre-text of course, I don't usually take this sort of time and concern in shopping. More often then not, i'll just stumble across something I think i'd look good in, and acquire when possible. But, Saturday evening, we'd signed ourselves up for disaster. It all started on Thursday. Which again comes to suggest that my week in itself weren't as mundane as i'd suggested. Either way, i'm waiting on some Chinese, and I decide to drop Amey a text.

An Aside: That's offically the first mention of Amey here, which is rediculous, considering... Remember in grade school, when on the first day of the new school year, you were hounded by your teacher to express how'd you spent your summer? Well, this past summer I spent a good deal of time with Amey. To incredulously oversimplify it: I had a great time, and unfortunately it had to end. That's a crap rundown, but that's where i'm leaving it at the moment.

And, we're back. So, I decided to drop Amey a line, because i'd not contacted her since i'd run into her finally on campus. Just a very casual, hey how ya holding up sort of message. And, in turn, i'm invited to an event she's hosting on Saturday. A party / fund raiser for the Women's Lawyer Club or something. This was most likely a bad move on my part. Not the message in itself, but agreeing to attend. It did in turn end generate a four or five hour shopping spree, which didn't net all that much. But, in reality, I went into the situation with a singular intent. Simply express a single concept to her. Seems so easy, no?

So, it's Saturday, about 7:30, B grabs me from my place, and we go get something to eat on the west side. A little italian joint called Peppers, really good eating, i've been there before, I'll personally recommend the white pizza, good friggin eating... So, eventually, about 8:30 we end up at the event. A relatively small room, packed full of law students, all downing keg beer and jello shots, overall, you'd think i'd be in my element. So, I run into her, and she's great, receptive and kind and all of that. Ran into a couple of the people i'd met through her, some I were much more excited to see than others, etc etc etc... So, the event is drawing to a close, accordingly, it only ran until 11, or atleast that's what her mother inferred. Let me take a moment to express how not exited I were to see her mother, and leave it at that. So, I track Amey down, thats a lie actually, I'm pretty tall, it's a small room, and Amey is pretty easy to find in a crowd... Basically just tell her I wanted to borrow her for a moment before the evening came to an end. She of course suggests now, which I'd of been wise to decline. So, we sneak off for a moment to a little quieter of a place. And, i've got the opportunity to achieve my single purpose there.

And, of course, I fumble the ball. Wow, a football metaphor, it really must be Sunday.

I'd just wanted to clarify something, and I deliver probably about 80% of it, and detracted from the intent i'm sure. I just wanted to let her know that I wasn't trying to duck her, or that I were upset at her or anything of the like. Well, actually, I have been avoiding her. It's important to note here that the reasoning behind the end of the relationship were basically that she was returning to law school, and didn't feel it was appropriate to continue our relationship, with her playing the absentee. Which is not horribly unreasonable, were all rational actors as they say, looking out for our own best interests and what not. It's obviously a lot more complex than that, but again, we'll convey the minimum and move on. So, yes, I have been avoiding her, in part because it was seemingly what she wanted, and I guess in part, because I thought if I didn't contact her, i'd not have to think of her. As i'm sure you all are collectively aware, breaking up sucks. An understatement if ever there were one. I didn't want her to pop into my head, when I was driving, or lying down to bed, or out having a great time... hell, i didn't want to be writing this... Heres to selfserved defeat. Don't know how well i'd conveyed the point, it was intended as a genuine expression, yet seemingly received as rambling...

So, not all that long thereafter, B and I jumped out. We headed back east to some of the usual suspects, called a few people we knew, and tracked no one down.

First, Erie Waters, a classic. Literally dead. There were 4 other people there, and I honestly doubt some of them had pulses.
Then, The Main Event. B warned me going in that most likely we were walking into something just a tid bit hood. Unassuaged by the warning, we'd entered. I want to mention that I love black folk, for the simple fact that they ALWAYS have a good time. Seriously, they're able to detach themselves from any self-consciousness and just get down. There was some karoke going down, and some seriously impressive talent in the room. We'd taken down our one drink minimum, and moved on to somewhere a little quieter.
Finally, we end up at the "S&S Lounge." There we delve into deep and intricate conversation about Functionalist vs. Liberal Arts education theory, and Relativity and String Theory, all of which honestly has no place in this sort of locale. Infact, the evening ended when we had to leave because a fight were breaking out in the parking lot, and B didn't like the idea of a bullet hole in his new car. That's classy there.

And, Sunday, here and now, a day of rest.

Didn't achieve all that much today, and i'm absolutely comfortable with that. Ready to be impressive for a brand new week.

Thats just about where i'll leave you, and wish you well individually in your upcoming weeks,

See ya next Sunday,

-Ry$4k

I Forgot To Complain About The Corporate Whores Of The Insurance Industry, The Waste Of Local Bureaucracy And Their Lack Of Communication...

Perhaps if I find myself in much the same mood tomorrow evening, i'll tell you all about it.

-Ry$4k

p.s.- Lets hope not.

It's Late, Yet I've Got All The Time In The World...

Tomorrow is guarenteed every single day of your life, except one.

Inevitably, it will come. In seemingly no time, my alarm will sound again. A resounding reminder that i've got responsibilities to attend to in this world, to be counted amongst the "productive citizens".

Life's been weird lately. That's lame and vague. My life has taken some odd turns of recent. That's a little better, yet no more specific.

I've come to discover I actually do like myself as a non-smoker. Which is some what odd, because i'd been so long a smoker, I some how forgot what life was like with out it. Waking up in the morning, and not feeling like absolute ass because my sleep deprived my body of it's hourly dose of nicotine. Not to mention the energy. I felt so alive.

Part of me wants to believe it weren't just the lack of smoking, but the combination of factors that made my life seem so good in addition to not smoking.

Of recent I had the opportunity to be a great friend to Davie Boy, and he inturn were to me as well. The ability to completely confide in another person, in the ulimiate confidence is really reassuring and roots you so deeply, that you'll never really understand it unless you've attained that dynamic with someone yourself.

An amazing young woman had opened up to me avenues that i'd never really experienced in my adult life. While as seemingly titillating as that sounds, it's a bit more mundane, day to day, yet still extraordinary beyond reason. Sometimes we come across minor little cross roads in life, and need someone to drag us onto the path that we'd cynically shunned aside. It's amazing how inspired one person can make another feel, and the joy derived simply from their company.

Stack a top that temporary financial security in the form of federal grants and secured loans for college, and you've got yourself some sunshine to revel in. Not to mention the sun itself were shining, with some parts of the states reaching into the triple digits, an inconvient truth indeed.

But seemingly, the highs only amplify the lows.

When standing upon the top of the mountain, you generally don't concern yourself with the matters of the valley. When lost in the valley, the mountain tops are the farthest from the mind.

So when we're low, we find that smoking is as ample a crutch as the ear of a great friend. Though, obviously not nearly as good, you make due... Cause he's on his honeymoon in Western Europe, and not only is it impossible, but honestly inappropriate to call.

If only we could bottle the freshest air from atop the mountain, so while we swagger through the smog of the valley we could be reminded of where we can be. It does work actually, postitive mental imagery... But it works so briefly, a momentary distraction from the maelstrom that is life.

It's not that I don't realize that eventually he'll return, and she'll call, and i'll go through the miserable three days of withdrawl again when so inspired... I know these combinations of events aren't really all that far off. Infact, barring some serious inconvience with changes in airport security, Davie Boy will land in Cleveland in all of 12 hours. It won't matter that her phone has been dead all week, because tomorrow she works right down the street from me, and doesn't end her shift till 2 hours after mine, so I can just stop in and say hello, and the sun will shine again. As to the not smoking thing... Sure, when i've got a couple of days of joy stacked up again, i'll downshift into the torture and agony of withdrawl, and probably sleep through most of it.

It's not that I don't see the silver lining, it's just from the valley, the clouds seem even farther.

-Ry$4k

p.s.- Well hell, wasn't that cheery. It's 4 am, and i'm bitter that my mind chooses to keep my body from sleep.

p.s.s.- To those who randomly come upon this, as to those that find themselves here intentionally... This is overly melodramatic simply cause i'm in a wrought awful mood at this hour, things aren't actually this bad, I just make them seem that way, because it suits my mood momentarily.

It's Big, It's Beautiful, It's Burgandy and It's a Buick...

And in only seven low monthly payments, it will be mine...

Good evening America,

We've not spoken in some time, and I wanted to let you know I honestly feel bad about that. If the federal government can spy upon my private life, under some assumed expansion of the constitutional powers of a president in a time of war, then I can come out and talk to you all directly. Towards my international audience, i've been tracking the hits, and you've really been falling off, so bugger the lot of you, especially the Canadians.

It's been a rathering interesting ride since I'd last popped in to say hello. As much as I sometimes pretend that my life can be uninteresting, or dull in reality thats not the way. Not atleast in the big picture sense. Obviously, at times, I find myself without something to do. Really though theres a good bit of drama swarming about me at almost all times.

The topic of this particular post started last Wednesday, about 8pm. I'd just finished dinner, went up strairs to check my mail, and found out that a buddy of mine was in Cleveland, and had been for some days. I was unaware, not that the information wasn't available, I really just hadn't been paying the attention I guess I should've. It was literally hidden away, somewhere I barely ever look. But, as it turns out, the plan came together quickly.

I decided to go out and have a drink. Ok, so those of you who've been reading of my life for any time now know that that isn't true. It's pretty clear that i've not got a problem with drinking, or any sort of addiction that'd require an instutition with an acronym assigned to it. But, in reality, I rarely ever have just one drink. It seems such a waste. Inevitably, a single drink will do little to your judgement, and leave you tired and unsatisfied. Not to mention, initiate an almost instantaneous hang over. Generally, I have more than a single drink when I go out.

It's important to note that I was warned of his state, he was unaware that he'd be enjoying my company that evening, and had been drinking since whatever business function he'd been forced to attend. Also, it's important to note that he'd warned me that I shouldn't nor did I need to attempt to keep up with his pace, where in he's had a few more years experience and is a bit more proficient when it comes to drinking. Finally, he'd noted that I didn't need to feel leashed to him that evening, and that I could find my way home at whatever hour i'd had enough.

All of these are valid and worth while warnings, and I really should've tucked away my subconscious pride, and taken heed.

Lets all take a moment to appreciate hindsight. Isn't it wonderful to look back and say... Wow, wouldn't it of been better to do this instead?

But, against what should've been my better judgement, I choose to go out and have a great time.

Lets start from the begining. Left the house at about 8:30. Returned shortly there after, I'd forgotten my camera, and something in the air suggested this might just be one of those memorable evenings you read about on someone's lame ass blog.

That being said, I actually found my way downtown. Let me say this, downtown is a serious bitch. Lot of streets downtown, and not that much parking. So, I found a meter on 6th and St. Clair, about a block away from Key Center, which was the objective.

We started in the bar on the bottom floor. I took a Miller Light, which is generally my drug of choice. To all of those who think they have some high and mighty taste in beer, let me say this; I really don't like beer, not particularly fond of the taste, but it does provide one very important service... http://thatvideosite.com/view/41.html (It'll get ya drunk!)

We left pretty soon after our first drinks. There was this young woman looming around behind us, i'd assumed she were interested in my buddy's ever charming british accent, but as it turns out on slow nights, she paces around waiting for someone to light a ciggarette. So, we left.

Ran up to the 23rd floor, checked out his room, pretty decent place to stay. Especially on the company's dime. Took us a while to decide, but eventually I decided that Alice Cooperstown was the place to be. There was a Tribe game that night, they were getting owned on, and it started to rain... Should equate to a pretty decent crowd at the bars that surround the Jake. As it turns out though, reality and logic often part ways. Pretty lame crowd at Cooperstown, decided to head over to the Thirsty Parrot, which is the bar caddy corner to our current location. Let me say this, the flashing lights, the loud music, and the echo'd chatter and cheering that pour from the patio of the Parrot are in themselves all a lie. Again, pretty lame.

Ran into some random young woman who was rather convienced we'd somehow taken Chemistry together. I've never taken Chemistry, not at CSU atleast. But, I played along, simply because it was about the most entertaining interaction we'd had all night. Eventually, we found our way away.

Stumbled down a dark alley, which I thought at the time lead over to e. 4th st. It didn't. It didn't lead anywhere really, so we both elected to piss on some public property and double back. At this point, the rain became a much larger annoyance than it'd been previously. We'd tried to hail down a cab, but there were none to be found (which again speaks to how shamefully small our city can be). So, I decided to flag down a car. This of course never works. It really never does, no one stops, I don't care if it's a blizzard, no one stops. But, somehow, some way, someone stopped this evening. Gentleman by the name of Paul Hoynes. Mr. Hoynes happens to be the sports writer for the Plain Dealer, which I thought was sort funny and an opportunity for some late evening name dropping. Pretty decent conversation, on what was a short trip over to West 6th street.

I've been neglecting to mention my drinks through out this scene. I'd been diving into Red Bull and Vodka all evening, interlaced between beers. I was pretty drunk. But theres something about big beat techno that lights the drunken soul on fire. Not entirely sure which bar we were at on West 6th, but they're basically all the same. Generally a good time, but I believe there was some weird contention with a small group because my buddy said something flattering to one of the young women amongst them. Really barely worth mentioning, so we eventually jumped out. Last call as it were basically ended our evening.

Don't really remember our way back to the hotel, we could've walked it for all I knew. Pretty much wasn't in a place to drive, set my alarm for 9 am, and hoped parking tickets were cheap that early in the morning.

The moral of this story will come a bit later.
I'm tired.
Been a long day,

I'll check back with you all a bit later America,

-Ry4k

p.s.- This story gets a little more interesting in a moment. Read backwards.