It's Late, Yet I've Got All The Time In The World...

Tomorrow is guarenteed every single day of your life, except one.

Inevitably, it will come. In seemingly no time, my alarm will sound again. A resounding reminder that i've got responsibilities to attend to in this world, to be counted amongst the "productive citizens".

Life's been weird lately. That's lame and vague. My life has taken some odd turns of recent. That's a little better, yet no more specific.

I've come to discover I actually do like myself as a non-smoker. Which is some what odd, because i'd been so long a smoker, I some how forgot what life was like with out it. Waking up in the morning, and not feeling like absolute ass because my sleep deprived my body of it's hourly dose of nicotine. Not to mention the energy. I felt so alive.

Part of me wants to believe it weren't just the lack of smoking, but the combination of factors that made my life seem so good in addition to not smoking.

Of recent I had the opportunity to be a great friend to Davie Boy, and he inturn were to me as well. The ability to completely confide in another person, in the ulimiate confidence is really reassuring and roots you so deeply, that you'll never really understand it unless you've attained that dynamic with someone yourself.

An amazing young woman had opened up to me avenues that i'd never really experienced in my adult life. While as seemingly titillating as that sounds, it's a bit more mundane, day to day, yet still extraordinary beyond reason. Sometimes we come across minor little cross roads in life, and need someone to drag us onto the path that we'd cynically shunned aside. It's amazing how inspired one person can make another feel, and the joy derived simply from their company.

Stack a top that temporary financial security in the form of federal grants and secured loans for college, and you've got yourself some sunshine to revel in. Not to mention the sun itself were shining, with some parts of the states reaching into the triple digits, an inconvient truth indeed.

But seemingly, the highs only amplify the lows.

When standing upon the top of the mountain, you generally don't concern yourself with the matters of the valley. When lost in the valley, the mountain tops are the farthest from the mind.

So when we're low, we find that smoking is as ample a crutch as the ear of a great friend. Though, obviously not nearly as good, you make due... Cause he's on his honeymoon in Western Europe, and not only is it impossible, but honestly inappropriate to call.

If only we could bottle the freshest air from atop the mountain, so while we swagger through the smog of the valley we could be reminded of where we can be. It does work actually, postitive mental imagery... But it works so briefly, a momentary distraction from the maelstrom that is life.

It's not that I don't realize that eventually he'll return, and she'll call, and i'll go through the miserable three days of withdrawl again when so inspired... I know these combinations of events aren't really all that far off. Infact, barring some serious inconvience with changes in airport security, Davie Boy will land in Cleveland in all of 12 hours. It won't matter that her phone has been dead all week, because tomorrow she works right down the street from me, and doesn't end her shift till 2 hours after mine, so I can just stop in and say hello, and the sun will shine again. As to the not smoking thing... Sure, when i've got a couple of days of joy stacked up again, i'll downshift into the torture and agony of withdrawl, and probably sleep through most of it.

It's not that I don't see the silver lining, it's just from the valley, the clouds seem even farther.

-Ry$4k

p.s.- Well hell, wasn't that cheery. It's 4 am, and i'm bitter that my mind chooses to keep my body from sleep.

p.s.s.- To those who randomly come upon this, as to those that find themselves here intentionally... This is overly melodramatic simply cause i'm in a wrought awful mood at this hour, things aren't actually this bad, I just make them seem that way, because it suits my mood momentarily.