It's Not 6 AM, But, Why Not Come Out of The Woodwork...

It's been some time, that was the most appropriate opening I could amass at this hour.

CJ Craig, a character in a fictional liberal utopia, struggles with the responsibility and pressures of a promotion forced by a frightfully painful looking heart attack. Josh learned you don't always have to achieve your current objective to win. Most importantly of all, I've found a new love for a show i'd accidentally written off. It litterally amazes me how much time I waste distracting myself with things I don't need, things without any real intrinsic value. Yes, i could leave work, stop on the way home for any of my various favorites on my personal fast food menu, and come home to 5 or 6 hours of Counter Strike. But, Why?

It's amazing how my lengthy bouts of depression are closely tied to Counter Strike. When I was without work in PA, I played Counter Strike a lot. It plays well to the ego. I happen to be pretty good at CounterStrike, most likely because I play a great deal. Playing well at Counter Strike makes me feel better about myself, because domination of another is fufilling is a very basic tribal fashion.

This sort of introspection conquers my conscious thought, well, what's avaliable of it these days. With all the self-loathing and what not, i've barely got time to consider the fact that my life is going no where. Not that I'm complaining though, i've wriggled so comfortably into a position where my life can prepetuate without motion. This would be an award worthly task for someone whose not entirely over qualified for it's horribly shameful stature. I'm better than this, yet I'm not.

It seems with all the planning and plotting I do, I'd be able to create a viable and feasible option to find my way out of this rut. I think I may have previously alluded to my interest in revision, Rys 2.0 as it were. No no no, the masses cried, we like the Rys we have. Which is all well and good, I know I'm loved, and honestly appreciate it more than the air I breathe. But, more important of course is the fact that I myself like Rys, whichever version we happen to label it.

Look at that, it is 6 am again. How... Deja Vu.

Heres the thing, i've got about a half a dozen plans for creating a newer happier me, but they all basically fall apart at the same moment every day. The moment I wake up in the morning. With general disgust I greet the day, mostly because there really are few mornings I wake up "on time". More so, I greet the day at random, whenever I happen to wake up. This doesn't help things, it really doesn't. I do tie my sleeplessness/excessive sleep to the depression, but there has really got to be a way past that too.

But, you know what? I can write. Even at my worst, I can write. I think I should focus on that really, that might just be the answer.

-Rys4K

p.s.- Sup all.

p.s.s- Yeah, i'm fine.