I play better in person...

I really do, I think it's the organ grinder and the little fez I wear.

So, I'm in a good mood. I really am. I was in the good fortune of spending the evening in with a beautiful young woman. I think I may have made mention of her here in the past. Actually damned well everything i've written in the past month is about her in one way or another. That's an oddly reassuring thing.

Either way, everytime we spend time together, for the hours that follow i find myself smiling. It's honestly like a one way ticket to cloud nine. I was actually singing a moment ago, before I realized I was singing. Men not only always have a pen, and wear a belt, but they also never sing. Except in tribute to some great artist at the occasional drunken karaoke. The great artists of all time, like Adam Sandler.

Back to the point at hand. I play mighty well on the phone, i've said that for years, but I play even better in public. I couldn't tell you why either. Well, actually i'm exceptionally handsome and charming and sweet, and of course you can't ever forget the amazingly classy facial hair. Here in 2004, if you're without facial hair, you mind as well be wearing a tutu, cause they know you're not a real man. Something like that. I actually clean up mighty well also, a nice fresh pressed dress shirt and some dark slacks, and i think i'm Brad Pitt all of a sudden. More so the Meet Joe Black than the Fight Club version. I don't think i've ever had a long enough lapse of judgement to try the badass look. Well, there was that drunken ex-con biker phase I'd went through, but who doesn't experiment to find himself at age 9? I should run for president, I exude a sense of power and peace that puts people at rest. Not only that, but i've got an amazing ability to make people feel bad about themselves... Which goes a hell of a long way in the political arena, not to mention marketing campaigns.

I'm Steven Rys, I'm running for President of these United States of America, and I approved this message.

"Once in a great while, we're confronted with a choice of such an astounding measure that it's consequence will ring through out history. Every four years, here in this great country of ours, we're able to express our collective will in a fashion that makes every other nation green with envy. Again, this November, we as a nation will exhibit our inherint ability to change and adapt. I want to be straight with you for a moment America, I feel it's the least I could do. I've got proof right here in this folder that George W. Bush is actually a test tube baby. While that might shock and amaze you, Bibble here has even more insight to share. For those of you who've not met him previously, he's the alien responsible for every technological advance we've seen over the last 30 years. While his father, George Sr. was, and will continue to be shamefully impotent, his mother was forced to be inseminated artifically. This folder also contains the name of the, until recently unknown and unwilling, donor. It was infact Willam "Cawbray" Goldstein. While Bill, or Cawbray as he was demeaning referred to constantly by his co-workers, was grudgingly mopping the floor of the laboratory, as was it his custodial duty, he felt an overwhelming tingle in his loins. It's rumored that he found a very large check upon the desk of one of the technicians, and his greed and lack of sexual release of recent caused him to make a donation to the lab...

Alright, so that was getting just a bit out of hand, and is really not my type of humor... Out of hand, heh, I'm such a rotten bastard.

Davie Boy reminded me recently that i've got a speech to write. I keep forgetting who for and what about, but that's what crack does. As it's commonly only paraphrased, I wanted to give you the quote in it's full splendor. Crack Kills Your Ability to Form Memories and/or Maintain an Errection. That crack, darkness, you evil muthafucka...

Thats enough from me, I've got work in the morning, and beautiful young woman to woo, and a speech to write.

-Rys4K

p.s.- Seriously people, I really wanted to state this in a straight face, without any sly or slighting humor... George Bush is fucking the anti-christ. No, that's not a typo, he and Patrick Swayze share a bed of sin every fortnight. Whatever measure of time that happens to be.