Our Greatest Fear Is Not That We Are Inadequate, But That We Are Powerful Beyond Measure.
Williamson, Marianne (1996). A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. New York: HarperCollins. ISBN 0060927488.
Mom actually has it on the way from Amazon.com, seems to be a good read.
The quote in full is:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Decent quote, from a damned decent movie. Finally watched "Coach Carter" with mom this evening. Well worth the iNDemand charge of $3.95, and I do recommend it to whomever finds there way here.
As to the quote previously, it's not all that often I find myself inspired, which is unfortunate in itself, or even more so that I often find myself inspired by films. Not just your run of the mill, waste of 8 dollars films, but those that display excellence in every sense. If you search back a year or so in the blog here, you'll find my top 5, all named for their own specific reasons, and covering the spectrum. Not to suggest Coach Carter is one of those films, but it has a reasonable chance at reaching the top 50.
Moving on while still supporting and explaining the original quote, I wanted to talk about highschool. Again, I believe I might have mentioned this previously, here in the world of blog, I spent four years in The Euclid Highschool. Obviously, it's worse today then it was when I went some five / six years back, and i'm sure it'll be even worse next year, and those to follow. Euclid wasn't the sort of microcosm that appreciated or endeared intelligence and free thought. Like the republican party, except much more ghetto. Two of my fondest memories from highschool, first, earlier in my highschool career, when I was a little greener, and perhaps a little meek, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my buddy B. I'd noted that one of the security guards beared a striking resemblence to the "space marine character" from Quake2, which had come out around that time period. Yes, Euclid had security guards, actually, we'd made CNN once with our metal detectors and bag searches. Either way, in some misconception the security guard thought I was trying to mad dog him or something, as I guess I stared at him a little too long for his liking. He approached our table, looked me dead in the eye, and said "What are you looking at you fucking faggot?" Good people, i do hope he got a christmas bonus. Second, and even more prominent in memory, there was Mr. Russo. I believe that was his name, honestly, he doesn't matter. Infact, he matters so little, he was my Highschool Guidance Counselor. Theres a great quote in Clerks about them, which I don't feel like tracking down at the moment. This was later in my highschool career, where as I began to enjoy myself a bit more. Quick note, this was the kind of quasi-phedophile that allowed cheerleaders to take their study hall in his office as "runners". So he sat me down in his tiny little closet of an office one day, and I don't specifically remember how it came about, I guess I was being a little to smug or sarcastic for his liking, but he says to me "Steve, you know your problem? You've got a genius complex." I was taken aback, and for a moment I think I might of actually been stunned. My mouth drooped open slightly, as I considered my possible replies... And the only thing that really came to mind was... "No, you're just a fucking idiot", which was somehow not acceptable, even though the man just intentionally insulted and disrespected me. I believe I smiled, thanked him, and walked out of his office.
So being of a sophmoric mentality, I chose to hide away my abilities, and just slid through highschool. Nothing like dumbing yourself down for the acceptance of others, I realize now there is no larger betrayal of self than that, which is what the above quote says to me.
Good of me to finally get around to the point, ehh?
Either way, in the near future, a relative 48 hours from now, i'll be returning into the same structured education system again. While I understand college has a lot more freedom about it, I still fear that mentality may prevail. I've tried to maintain an optimistic outlook towards it all, but i'm being dissuaded direct from the horses mouth. Both Davie Boy, and B, have attended CSU, and their opinions of it aren't all that high. I do believe they've both individually refered to it as the "13th" grade. I say that as if in conjunction their opinion's might change. While they are both incredibly supportive at the same time, I do believe they're just trying to forewarn me in some fashion...
But, when I shine, won't it just be a greater contrast?
I still doubt myself some how. As reassured as I am in my own ability, I fear it will all come tumbling down upon me, exponentially compounding until it is all too much to bear. Full time student, with a good thirty or so hours of work stacked upon it, just to barely be able to cover tuition, for a degree which the world of credentialism barely respects. Will in time I just take the Kayne route and drop my ass up out of college? I'm obviously not slinging crack rock, nor do I have a wicked jump shot, so how am I ever to make it big in this harsh reality of ours? Two rap references in two sentences, how hood is that? That makes thrice, and still it's no better.
Of all the weakness and anger and sadness, why this? Doubt drags us all down. But, this is where I achieve, this is what I do, this is how I roll. I've got this shit on lock, I write 2500 words casually, whats a 12 page essay to someone like me?
I've got a whole bag of skittles, and not just in CS:S.
Thats only funny, because of recent I've been playing a lot of Source, and that's soon to expire. I unfortunately won't have time for such recreation... Especially recreation that has absolutely no real value.
This seems like a crap place to end this, but I'm really just spent, I want to get some sleep and mentally prepare for it all.
-Rys4K
p.s.- We're the only one who can keep ourselves from greatness.
As to the quote previously, it's not all that often I find myself inspired, which is unfortunate in itself, or even more so that I often find myself inspired by films. Not just your run of the mill, waste of 8 dollars films, but those that display excellence in every sense. If you search back a year or so in the blog here, you'll find my top 5, all named for their own specific reasons, and covering the spectrum. Not to suggest Coach Carter is one of those films, but it has a reasonable chance at reaching the top 50.
Moving on while still supporting and explaining the original quote, I wanted to talk about highschool. Again, I believe I might have mentioned this previously, here in the world of blog, I spent four years in The Euclid Highschool. Obviously, it's worse today then it was when I went some five / six years back, and i'm sure it'll be even worse next year, and those to follow. Euclid wasn't the sort of microcosm that appreciated or endeared intelligence and free thought. Like the republican party, except much more ghetto. Two of my fondest memories from highschool, first, earlier in my highschool career, when I was a little greener, and perhaps a little meek, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my buddy B. I'd noted that one of the security guards beared a striking resemblence to the "space marine character" from Quake2, which had come out around that time period. Yes, Euclid had security guards, actually, we'd made CNN once with our metal detectors and bag searches. Either way, in some misconception the security guard thought I was trying to mad dog him or something, as I guess I stared at him a little too long for his liking. He approached our table, looked me dead in the eye, and said "What are you looking at you fucking faggot?" Good people, i do hope he got a christmas bonus. Second, and even more prominent in memory, there was Mr. Russo. I believe that was his name, honestly, he doesn't matter. Infact, he matters so little, he was my Highschool Guidance Counselor. Theres a great quote in Clerks about them, which I don't feel like tracking down at the moment. This was later in my highschool career, where as I began to enjoy myself a bit more. Quick note, this was the kind of quasi-phedophile that allowed cheerleaders to take their study hall in his office as "runners". So he sat me down in his tiny little closet of an office one day, and I don't specifically remember how it came about, I guess I was being a little to smug or sarcastic for his liking, but he says to me "Steve, you know your problem? You've got a genius complex." I was taken aback, and for a moment I think I might of actually been stunned. My mouth drooped open slightly, as I considered my possible replies... And the only thing that really came to mind was... "No, you're just a fucking idiot", which was somehow not acceptable, even though the man just intentionally insulted and disrespected me. I believe I smiled, thanked him, and walked out of his office.
So being of a sophmoric mentality, I chose to hide away my abilities, and just slid through highschool. Nothing like dumbing yourself down for the acceptance of others, I realize now there is no larger betrayal of self than that, which is what the above quote says to me.
Good of me to finally get around to the point, ehh?
Either way, in the near future, a relative 48 hours from now, i'll be returning into the same structured education system again. While I understand college has a lot more freedom about it, I still fear that mentality may prevail. I've tried to maintain an optimistic outlook towards it all, but i'm being dissuaded direct from the horses mouth. Both Davie Boy, and B, have attended CSU, and their opinions of it aren't all that high. I do believe they've both individually refered to it as the "13th" grade. I say that as if in conjunction their opinion's might change. While they are both incredibly supportive at the same time, I do believe they're just trying to forewarn me in some fashion...
But, when I shine, won't it just be a greater contrast?
I still doubt myself some how. As reassured as I am in my own ability, I fear it will all come tumbling down upon me, exponentially compounding until it is all too much to bear. Full time student, with a good thirty or so hours of work stacked upon it, just to barely be able to cover tuition, for a degree which the world of credentialism barely respects. Will in time I just take the Kayne route and drop my ass up out of college? I'm obviously not slinging crack rock, nor do I have a wicked jump shot, so how am I ever to make it big in this harsh reality of ours? Two rap references in two sentences, how hood is that? That makes thrice, and still it's no better.
Of all the weakness and anger and sadness, why this? Doubt drags us all down. But, this is where I achieve, this is what I do, this is how I roll. I've got this shit on lock, I write 2500 words casually, whats a 12 page essay to someone like me?
I've got a whole bag of skittles, and not just in CS:S.
Thats only funny, because of recent I've been playing a lot of Source, and that's soon to expire. I unfortunately won't have time for such recreation... Especially recreation that has absolutely no real value.
This seems like a crap place to end this, but I'm really just spent, I want to get some sleep and mentally prepare for it all.
-Rys4K
p.s.- We're the only one who can keep ourselves from greatness.
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