It Sort of Feels Like I'm Cheating on my Keyboard...

Or something funnier that doesn't sound nearly as dorky...

This is really odd. It's almost like driving someone else's car, even when you know it's only temporary and soon you'll return to the "comfortable quirks" of the Buick. I guess it'd be appropriate to mention it's about 12:30 and i'm posting from depth within enemy territory... The Clid...

For some reason i've always viewed the Clid as a lot more ghetto than it is. Don't get me wrong, it is in fact pretty damned ghetto, but not as much as i'd make it seem. Actually, I think it was the Euclid Public School System that instilled the distaste. Nothing like busing in the really ghetto children of East Cleveland to bring down the median.

I, one day down the road, want to roll up into the parking lot of "The Euclid Highschool" in my drop top beamer, step out in my Kenneth Coles, with a $500 suit on, walk in and tell every staff member that doubted me how exactly they should fuck themselves. Not just the general exclamation you'd think of, but a detailed step by step explanation with graphs and projectors and fuckin indian burns man... It'd be a horrific understand to suggest the faculty and I didn't see eye to eye on a few issues. Basically, they were in the habit of suggesting everything I did was wrong, and I played the role of the unrulely slighted teen. I remember the day I was sitting in the principal's lobby, awaiting his dictative judgement, and I made a comment along the lines of... "I can understand why someone would choose to walk into a place like this and open fire" In my usual calm tone. Of course, abusing the "Zero Tolerance" policy, they threatened to expel me for such a threat. I, again calmly, explained to them it would be extremely difficult to convience anyone that conveyed understanding is in any way a threat. I also cited a fine example, as how I could understand what amazing joy they must wake with in the morning, knowing they can bully and demoralize children with the bulk of their day. They appreciated the latter suggestion even less.

I don't think I ever intended to write about highschool in this post. Highschool was a long time ago. I think it was more so because I'm in Euclid currently, and all of my scorned views of Euclid are almost entirely based off of my time in highschool.

I should buy that place. Buy out the entire building, take over the payroll, and start cutting some serious fat. Take out the bulk of administration who set their own outrageous salary, and distribute it amongst the teaching population. Then, remove all teachers who either don't care to teach, or only do so, so they may coach a sport of some sort. I really don't need a disengaged middle aged man teaching Social Studies, so he can stare at the fully blossomed female varsity soccer team bounce up and down the sideline. Hell, theres a chance i'd remove sports entirely. Replace them with various arts, theature, other worldly culture building experiences.

Hell, I'd even implement incentive programs to get the kids more involved in the arts. Even as spectators as it were. If 80% of the student body attends the student orchestra concert, we'll make attendance option on Friday, so those of you who care to can make it a long weekend.

Actually, i'll take it one step further, I'll make attendance completely optional. That's damned right, i'm that crazy, you don't earn a nickname like "Crazy Eddie" for no reason. And, if a teacher is unable to maintain an 85% weekly attendance average, i'll sit them down and have a little chat. Ask them why they believe students would choose not to attend their class? Why they find it boring or drab, or disconnected and not hands on. I'd punish the teachers for not making class more engaging and appealing...

Nothing like a dream, ehh?

I think I should start "Rys Consulting". My own little consulting firm. Where, for a nominal fee, you could contract me to enter the innerworkings of your business, and tell you where you're being retarded. Now, that, would be excellent. Step one, make all of your employees commisioned employees. Take their basic function, and set a number of times they should be able to complete that function, then pay them based on percentage what you'd of normally paid them. Lets say you pay John to fold shirts at your screening facility. Currently, you pay John about $500 a week. You've had problems with John showing up late, leaving early, disappearing for half hour spans at random, and generally just slacking off. Now, tell John you expect him to fold 200 shirts in a day. That's about 2 shirts a minute, averaged. Not that hard, not an unreasonable expectation. Now, tell John that if he folds an average of 100 shirts a day over a one week span, you'll pay him $250, or half of his normal salary for half of the expected performance. John might take offense at first, but he was a lazy stoner cunt anyways, so it doesn't really matter if he walks out on you. But, if you like John, or if he's unfortunately your step mother's nephew, you tell him that if he averages 400 shirts a day over a week's time, you'll pay him $1000 dollars for that week, or double what he's normally paid. I bet you every god damned red cent I have to my name his ass would show up on time, if not early, work the whole day through, sometimes even skipping lunch, to keep his numbers up. This is why every employee should work on 100% commision. Productivity would raise exponentially.

I think that will conclude our broadcast day, as I've got to go iron my new shirt I bought for my new suit, so I can look super fucking slick tomorrow.

-Rys4K

p.s.- Fuck um and feed um, I'll leave um, Gettin all fucked up in my mind. (Cypress Hill)