I need an objective...

Something real, something tangible, something to actively persue. I need a goal, i need a reason, i need to feel inspired.
 
Again of recent i've felt that haunting sense of the lack of accomplishment come over me. Sunday's always seem to have that effect, they're the lost day of the week. Spent doing nothing beyond awaiting the beginning of the work week again. I'm actually watching "American Beauty" which seems more than fitting at the moment. It's an old rip that I exhumed from the original bible, the one with the big felt one on the front. It's a foreign screener, japanese subtitles and all. Not bad quality, but it would honestly take me all of an hour to acquire a DVD rip or something of the like.
 
 "Man, you are one twisted fuck." , "No, I'm just an ordinary man with nothing to lose."

Well, isn't that just refreshing. And, for another quote, from yet another Kevin Spacey movie...
 
"And then he showed these men of will what will really is."

 So, it's lines like those, in movies of the same grand measure, that will give me a little something to aspire to. It would've appeared a little more impressive if I finished the great novel of the 21st century by the age of 18, had it teleplayed by 19, and made my motion picture debut by 20... But, "FORMAT C: /U" delayed that considerably.
 
Sometimes there is just so much beauty in the world, I just can't take it, I feel like my heart is just going to cave in...
 
This is really a great movie. If only i'd of arranged the Top 5 in numerical order and what not, it's just so openly dark and honest. They didn't have to exaggerate things, to draw contrast verse the percieved reality of the American way... The best part about this movie is how believiable it is. Lester Behrnam, the superhero for the common man. We as people have the amazing ability to change.
 
It's actually almost embarassing, going through this mid-life crisis at all of 22. Especially since I care to share it with the entire internet population, or for that matter the whole half dozen people who stop by to look in on me. Perhaps cigarettes are more dangerous than I thought, if my mid-life crisis begins at 22,  simple math would suggest i've not got all that much time to fufill my lifelong ambitions.
 
Yes, Cuban B...
 
Back to the topic at hand. Well, theres barely ever a real topic at hand, nor do I put fourth all that much effort to stay on topic... But, let's take a shot, just so we can say we tried...
 
You know what I loved most about American Beauty? Yeah, no, this is actually another rant, we'll get on target again in a moment. I went and saw American Beauty in theatures, I think it was me and mom and jen. And, as i'm often cathartic, in that Aristotle sense, not the Medical laxative sort of way, I was walking out of the theature elated. I just happened to cross pathes with my nemesis. I can barely remember her name, Davie boy was good friends with her back in highschool, and actually last time I saw her, she'd put on some weight... Which of course I thought was hilarious. Liz Skok... That's it. Damned, can't believe it actually came to me. My resentment for her has dwindled a bit over time, infact this is the first time in a long time she's even crossed my mind. Way back when, I percieved her as everything wrong with society at that moment in my life. She wasn't dumb, not at all, but she played it that way for social acceptance. She had an expansive wardrobe, full of everything directly marketed to her as it were.  She was shallow and self-centered. Basically, everything I didn't want people to be. Therefore, as it stood, she was my nemesis. The movie then just ended, as it did again just now, and we were walking out the long hall in theature, towards the doors. I had that lofty elated feeling I so enjoy, not nearly often enough. And, I'd overheard her talk about how disgusted she were, and how she didn't understand why it was nominated for so many awards.  That put me in even a better mood. I enjoyed the fact that she was discontent with her theature experience... It's almost... It's not for you...
 
Ohhh look, the topic... Quick, flag it down.
 
Inspiration. I remember this exchange mom and I had once, where as she asked me what I wanted out of life, or something of the like... I told her I wanted to work at Burger King and live in a van down by the river. I think I was being an ass for some reason, but I couldn't tell you why. She seems to have thought it funny though, as she'd made reference to it recently.
 
I don't have ambition, i've some how confused it with survival over time. I simply need enough to get along, while constantly convienced i'm some how destined for great things...
 
If it weren't so sad, it'd be funny.
 
-Rys4K
 
p.s.- And, you wonder why I seemed confused at times...