And Wednesday Night Writing Goes Public.

"You've got such a gift, why not share"
 
As much as the above would appear to be a direct quote, it's simply a paraphrase of a suggestion I've been hearing for almost a decade now. Therefore, Wednesday night writing goes public this 28th day of July. First, a little backround. Obviously, this is the public forum for my writing, yet that inheriently is the problem. There are some things I rather not lay fourth to the masses, opening myself slightly to their opinions. Wednesday night writings are usually much more serious, less light heartened, and more introspective. Sometimes I write for fun, sometimes I write for practice, but most of the time I write because it's a fine medium for the stresses of my everyday.

That in itself is rather humerous, because today has been relatively stress free compared to most. Woke up late, like horribly late, like it was pushing 10 am, and the neighbor upstairs was knocking because my car was blocking him in the drive. I don't really want to talk about work here, simply because I don't care to let my job define who I am as a person. When Steve goes into sales mode, it's simply that. A carefree and confident easy going act that allows success. Now, if we could mold that into reality, and not doubt it's sincerity, the dirt may give way to the yellow brick road.

That's the objective, to meet the wizard, because only he knows the way. We all want to be happy, and the wizard, and oz itself takes so many forms that it's at times a bit difficult to discern.

But, you can't. It's circular. As soon as you reach a level of contention, you're simply cheating yourself of your potential. It's a constant struggle, we stumble up a hill with no apex, awaiting the rainbow at the top, next to the bastardly leprachaun and pot of gold. So, thats the game then, and we play and play knowing we'll never win.

Part of me wants to be grateful, to feel reassured that i'm some how fortunate and appreciative of what i've achieved or acquired, my knowledge or ability, those who love me, and those I love. I could easily name a handful of people that'd die for me, and i'd the same for them. Off the top of my head - Moms, Davie Boy, Lou, Reilly, Pat. If you're name isn't there, it's only because i've got the normal five fingers per hand, and you didn't come to mind as quickly. Some of you may even doubt the last one there. But, Pat's shown his colors when there was even the hint of something going down. Plus, I see him more than almost anyone, since his desk is all of 20 feet from my own, and I spent the bulk of my day at the office. And, that time in which i'm not at the office, is often occupied with "personal time".

Ahhh yes, personal time. Often refered to as idle time, or excessive boredom leading to near paralyzation.  This is one of my problems, my absolute love for private time. See, I'm not a high energy kind of guy, not for the most part. Theres some moments where I shine. Where as I play on a level that impresses even me. But, those moments are a little too few and far between for my liking. I want to be happy, and outgoing, and have it actually be my reality instead of something i've got to expend energy feigning. Something along those lines.

I think it might be time for a little change. I've decided to try Steve 2.0 and see how that works out. Tomorrow, we're going to do whatever we feel, and say whatever we feel, living the dream, knowing the consequence can't be negative. If my actions are real and true, then what happens, should happen.

-Rys4K

p.s.- Well, I can pretend, can't I?